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Therapy for Cycle Breakers
Online in California and Washington
In person in Lacey, WA
Healing Yourself is a Powerful Way to Shape Your Legacy
You strive to offer your children a childhood filled with connection and joy, but you find yourself fighting against a nervous system stuck on high alert from your own childhood. When you don't live up to your own ideals, you spiral into guilt and shame. What if there is another way?
Your Emotions Are Overpowering
Susie is on the floor screaming again. You know at 3 years old this is to be expected, but you are in the store and people are staring. With a flushed face and racing heart, you scoop up your daughter, taking multiple kicks to the ribs. You abandon your shopping cart and head for the door. After a wrestling match, she's finally in her carseat (still screaming), and the tears start to come. Not a trickle, but full sobs that would require several tissues if you had some on hand. You feel like you can't even get the little things right. Without even thinking, you find yourself yelling into the void: "I can't f*cking do this anymore!"
Except you're not in a void. You're with Susie. And now you're both crying.
You Try So Hard
That night you stay up late watching Dr. Becky videos. 'How does she make it look so easy?' you wonder. You reflect on the events of earlier today and feel overcome with regret. You always promised yourself that your daughter would never see you lose your shit. You don't want her to live her childhood walking on eggshells like you did growing up, always monitoring your mom's moods waiting for the inevitable eruption. You know how scary it is to watch a parent become totally out of control. You vow to do better tomorrrow, but with that determination comes fear -- what if I can't do it?
It's All So Challenging
That night you barely sleep. Neither does Susie. You are the picture of calm all night long, responding to Susie's needs: water, comfort, reassurance. When your alarm goes off, you're already awake. You can hear your own heartbeat in your eardrum you are so exhausted. Susie is ready for breakfast, and you think ahead to the tasks of the day. The overwhelm hits like brick. Your nervous system is fried and it feels like you can't access the voice in your head that reminds you that you don't need to get it all perfectly to be a good mom, that you are allowed to feel tired, grouchy, and exhausted. You worry that you're not doing enough for Susie, and that your emotions will cause her harm.
Being a Cycle Breaking Parent Without Support
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You read parenting books and you try to follow the tips and scripts, but...
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You find yourself overstimulated, overwhelmed, exhausted, and frustrated more often than not.
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You compare yourself to others and wonder if you're failing your kids.
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You struggle to navigate relationships with your own parents, perhaps unsure if having them in your life is the right choice anymore.
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Your nervous system doesn't seem to want to cooperate as you work towards being a calm and steady presence for your kids.
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When you have a rough moment, you become consumed with shame and guilt, which keeps you stuck in a loop.
Being a Cycle Breaking Parent With Support
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You develop confidence in your abilities, and can give yourself permission to pick and choose parenting wisdom and advice that works for you.
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You have awareness of your own wounds and have a space to tend to them.
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You take ownership of your choices and behaviors without falling into a shame spiral.
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You know all parents are just figuring out a day at a time, and the efforts you take to show up for your kids.
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You have boundaries in place to protect your peace and ensure you are well supported by those who have most access to you.
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Your nervous system starts to feel less reactive, and you find it easier to approach parenting playfully.
Your Emotions Are Valid
Susie is on the floor screaming again. You know at 3 years old this is to be expected, but you are in the store and people are staring. You acknowledge how uncomfortable this situation is and do your best to ignore any onlookers. Your priority is your daughter and yourself. You pause for a breath before bending down and offering Susie some steadying touch. You whisper that you understand she's having big feelings, and you're going to need to take her outside to finish crying. You take Susie outside to finish releasing some tears. When she finally settles, she falls right to sleep. You realize that she wasn't being "naughty," but just in need of a nap. You feel frustrated that you didn't get to finish shopping, but you feel good about how you handled it all. You are thankful that delivery services exist!
You Tend to Your Own Needs
That night you recognize that you're feeling on edge. Your neck is tense and you can't relax. You know you have a long day of work and parenting ahead of you tomorrow, and you are going to need a reset of sorts if you're going to be prepared for whatever chaos the day might bring. You recognize that your body wants to move. You take a brisk walk while your partner feeds Susie dinner and you do a few stretches to support your neck. Still feeling a little off, you sit quietly and go inward with some gentle curiosity. You take time to tend to the parts of you that learned early on that the only way to gain approval and safety is by staying in control all the time. You offer some kindness to the parts of you that felt out-of-control during today's grocery store meltdown.
Priorities Over Perfection
Susie has a restless night, waking up several times asking for water and cuddles. You let your partner know you needed really need to get some sleep tonight, so you arranged to take shifts in order to share the load. After a couple hours pass, you feel relief when you check the clock and see your shift is over. You put in some ear plugs and allow yourself to officially clock out of mommy duty. Your partner handles the rest of the night and you wake up the next morning feeling at least somewhat refreshed. Knowing that Susie has been struggling with some big emotions lately, you decide to cancel your plans for a zoo outing and stay home and invite a neighborhood friend to come over. You feel tempted to clean up first, but decide to keep it real and leave the mess for another day.