Therapy for Complex Trauma

Complex trauma is also called relational or developmental trauma because it forms through the course of relationships (often with caregivers) who did not meet their child's basic needs for safety and belonging. This can include a variety of early experiences: abuse, neglect, parental substance use, or a parent who relied on you to meet their emotional needs. As a cycle-breaker, it's everything you don't want for your own kids.

 

In order to survive the trauma, kids develop unique

methods of protection: shrinking, care-taking, or

reading the room with an uncanny precision.

Some of these ways of adapting can shape how

kids are treated and labeled in thier schools and

communities, leading to an internalized view of

themselves as bad or flawed. But children are

never bad and they develop wise adaptations to survive even the most untable environments. Our nervous system's survival responses help us through situations where there was little we could control.

 

A Path to Healing

As an adult seeking to heal from childhood trauma, it is helpful to begin to see our younger selves as brave and resourceful, even as we gently invite our inner child into a safe haven of compassion - within therapy and within ourselves - so that these defenses can begin to relax. These survival mechanisms might be showing up as you embark on your motherhood journey. You might notice yourself feeling not good enough, afraid to take up space, or unsure of your parenting insticts. The goal is not to shame these experiences, but to help reshape them so that you can shift out of survival mode and into a place of empowerment. It's possible to cultivate the conditions from which your most true and wise self can bloom.

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Mothers with Complex Trauma

Mental health experiences that are specific to motherhood often intersect with lingering effects from past trauma. It's common to experience postpartum depression and anxiety, for example, while continuing to experience powerful emotional or bodily reactions that stem from past trauma. While it's not important to name the origin of every emotion or symptom, it can be incredibly powerful to identify ways that the past is shaping our current motherhood experiences so that we have the opportunity to undo the patterns that are detracting from our present-day relationships with our kids.

 

With support, we can finally breathe a little deeper and focus on showing up to our lives with presence, intention, and joy. Just as your kids deserve a safe, love-filled, and playful childhood, you too deserve these things in adulthood.